It's been a while since I've written in here. I guess haven't had much to say.
I've been trying to keep a steady path. There's been a lot going on in my mind. I've been working on a lot of personal goals. Not so much materials goals, but I've been working a lot on my inside self.
Things with my friend Milena have rally gone down hill. I've been talk to my friend Francesca about it, about the mistakes I've made in the past, about my personal flaws, about how I am.
I know I'm not perfect. There's a lot about me I'd like to change.
I sometimes take a step outside myself and try to look in and see. I'm surrounded by a family that has issues. We are a very lively bunch, to out it nicely!
I think I'm maturing, I'm recognizing and seeing what I don't like and trying to change that.
It hasn't been an easy task, but finally I'm realizing that sometimes it's ok to just let go of things.
I'm the type of person that wants things right here and now. When I have a goal, or something I deem necessary to do, I want it done yesterday. When I have a problem or something on my mind, I want to tackle it from every angle. I dwell on it, think about it, turn it upside down and inside out. I know not everyone is like that, and realizing and accepting that we're all different is part of this maturing process I've set myself.
Part of my problems with other people, with people I care about anyways, was the fact that I often try to impose what i deem is best and I guess what often work for me, doesn't necessarily work for others. I find it hard to give up on what I believe is important and accept that dping something another way too is also ok.
This may seem trivial to some, but for me it's been very hard to accept. I'm a perfectionist, and sometimes allowing other people to work at their own pace is hard. I don't think I'm better than others but I can be picky on how I think things should be done.
I don't want to blame my family and my upbringing for my shortcomings or for the flaws in my character, but your parents, their ways and how you were brought up inevitably leave their mark. You're somehow influenced in seeing the world in a certain way, your view is tinted by the filters they put before you. I'm trying very hard to recognize this, and accepting these limitations in my character has not been easy. Sometimes you feel like crap when you realize that you've unwillingly hurt someone or made a bad impression. Accepting this and openly admitting it takes great strength and great balls. Not everyone is ready to publicly voice their mea culpa.
I feel good about myself for having done this, and I think that recognizing and pinpointing the problem is half of the job done, already. Admitting you're wrong or that you have a problem is the hard part. Working on yourself to fix the issue can be done. Sure it costs a lot of constant effort and strong will. It takes time and perseverance.
I am determined to keep working on myself to improve my life and the life of others around me.
If only others would stop to take a look in the mirror and work a little on themselves a bit, we'd all live happier, more serene lives. Sometimes it takes so little to make others smile.
It's time we all stopped to smell the roses every now and them.