Thursday, May 25, 2006,1:58 AM
Ready or not, here I come!
So, get this....
yesterday... I BOUGHT MY TICKET!!!! Yup, you heard me, I bought my ticket to Indy for this summer! As you can imagine I am totally pysched! I am just sooooo excited!!! I can't wait till july!
I can't believe I managed to find the balls to book my trip! See... I'm actually still waiting to get my passport. I have to renew it, and seeing as Uncle Sam is trying to make life difficult for us visitors, now the passport not only has to have an optic machine readable bar code on it, it also has to have a digital photograph embedded in te page of the passport. So the waiting time to obtain said passport is 60 days!! WTF, right? Yeah really, obscurely f'ked up! Oh well.... if they think they're puting me off with just that, they got another thing coming!
Anyways, I'm supposed to be getting my passport 20 days before leaving for the US. Pray God nothing fucks up, 'cause I just spent €700 on my non refundable ticket! Yeah, nothing better go wrong!
I'm going to be spending 3 months out there, I can't wait! And... I land in New York, cause it was goiung to save me $300, so yeah... Mike is going to dive up and come get me, and therefore we're going to make a mini vacation out of it and spend 2 days out there! Wooo hooo..... last time I was wsa in NYC I was 11... can't really said I enjoyed it. I mean, it was cool and all, butwhen you're 11, you're not really into all that cool bar hopping and shoppingm so this will definately be a fun trip! We might even squeeze in a Broadway musical.... we'll see how the funds are.
As of now I'm totally broke! Did I mention I am jobless? Yeah... I leave in a month and a half and am no where close to having enough money to survie for 3 months, but life is good! LOL
Tonight I went to see "The Da Vinci Code". I have to tell ya... I mean... it wasn't that bad. I've heard some pretty bad reviews, but the thing is, the film had a lot to live up to. The story was so fast paced in teh book, so much going on, it's hard to cram that all in in just 2 and a half hours.
I was leased to say that the ending was a lot better in the movie than in the book. I mean the same thigns happened, I guess it was just rendered better. In the book the ending just leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth, it's pretty dissapointing, but in the movie, it makes more sense. It's as if there's a bit of a moral to the ending. I dunno... I digged it.
If you've read the book, I'd still reccomend it, I think it's worth seeing. It's kind of fun to see everything on the big screen, exactly how you imagined it. I must say, it's very faithful to the text. For some reason I read one review which said it was too faithful to the novel. How the heck can that be a bad thing? Don't people usually always complain about how movies are never faithful to the storyline?
Usually what bugs me about a movie's version of a novel I've read is that the scenery is never faithful to how I imagined thigns in my mind, upsetting me. That's normal I guess, your imagination runs wild as you transport words into images in your mind, as you read. In this case though, it was all pretty true to how I'd envisoined things myself. Not bad at all!
Course, I'm not sure I'd have cast Tom Hanks as Robert Langdon, but that's just me...
So yeah.... See you in July, Greenwood!!
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 1 comments
Monday, May 22, 2006,11:20 PM
Run to you - Whitney Houston
I know that when you look at me
Theres so much that you just dont see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart youd find
A girl whos scared sometimes
Who isnt always strong
Cant you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all aloneI wanna run to you (oooh)
I wanna run to you (oooh)
Wont you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you (oooh)
But if I come to you (oooh)
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away
Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
Theres nobody there, no one cares for me
Whats the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean? (chorus)
I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew how much...(chorus)
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 1 comments
Wednesday, May 17, 2006,10:24 PM
A shitty time all round...
I don't know why it is but I'm just feeling so lousy lately. It seems like goes my way.
Michael had a car accident yesterday. Luckily he is in no serious pain, he didn't suffer any serious injuries, just a bit of muscle distortion and is a bit banged up... bruises galore. But he'll be ok. For some odd reason the doctor decided to give him valium of all things! Is he trying to get him addicted? I mean valium, ffs!!! A tranquiliser... a sedative... like he needs any extra help being all doped up all day! What ever.... (I'm pretty pissed about that...) anyways...

Shit with M. is still going down. She is going way overnbaord with this holding a grudge against me thing. She totally misses the point of my email to her. I'm not getting into it, it'd be too long here to explain, but she's the one with the amoeba boyfriend. Anyways.... she's been real pissed at me latrely and treating me pretty bad, for no apparent reason, though she says I'm all wrong. She hasn't been the sweetest of angels herself!

Work is as shit as ever. I feel so worthless and useless and as if that wasn't enough my boss is a total cow. She treats me like dirt and tomorrow my trail period is over. I have pretty much the feeling that I'm getting the sack. I wouldn't really care (I hate that forgotten by god place) if it wasn't for the fact that I need to work one more month so that I can save up the money to make it out to Indy this summer.
It seems like as soon as I make plans they all go to shit! Seriously!! Michael was supposed to come for my birthday, and can't. He's had this accident and has totaled his car. He's obviously having to stay home now, for rest and therefor will miss hours at work, which he really needs. I'm fighting with my best friend who now says wants time away from me to think things through and thinks that I should meditate on what I've done. I risk losing my job and now I have a doped up boyfriend!

I just feel all the walls craving in on my and no one to turn to. I feel so alone, seriously! I have all this shit getting to me (OK, stupid stuff compared to serious matters in life, but still...) and I can't go to anyone with it. I tried to talk to michael tonight, but he's way to out of it to hold a serious conversation. I will give him that he's moody and in pain, but he was snapping at me today and being all moody and shit. I just didn't need this.

Maybe I'm selfish, but it just seems that things come in threes, ya know? Like everything topples on everything else. And the one time I need some support and comforting, a shoulder to lean on... Michael gets into an acident. And I'm pissed with his boss who was supposed to get his medical insurance set up and of course never got to it... so now Michael isn't covered and if, God forbid, this dumbass of a mexican who smashed into him isn't insured.... then that'll be some hell of a price to pay!

C. just called! Hehehhe... he's such a sweetie. He always seems to call at the right time. It's as if he knows I'm having a tough time and can sense it! Whining to him on the "phone" made me feel better. It helped put things into perspective. I realise this isn't serious stuff but it still hurts when it piles all up, but talking to him about it made me realise that it will all just blow over in time. I hope so anways.

And one last thing... I rented The Bridges of Madison County tonight and it was in fuckin' Italian!!! That soooo sucks!! I was so looking forward to just chill out and watch it, ease my mind, ya know? Except the DVD mus be old cause there was no english version! God I was so bummed! I didn't watch it! I only jsut got done reading the book and my dad told me it was a good movie. He said the dialog was beautiful... so how the hell could I watch it dubbed? No way! Good job I had a voucher and didn't pay for it!
Ugh... what a day!
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 1 comments
Monday, May 15, 2006,1:20 AM
I'm tired
Interesting highs and lows.... that's what life brings you.
Right now, I feel like I need to let off steam for some lows. This is probably because I don't usually write about the highs. I'm too busy living them to stop and share them... but the lows, well the lows just seem to hang on and linger. They seem to last longer. Or maybe they just weigh more on my shoulders.
Besides the forever ups and downs between girlfriends (yes, more issues with my friend... someday I might get into it, or maybe not...) then there are the ups and downs with my excuse of a career. What career? yeah, exactly!
You know when you're talking to a friend, and something they say just breaks down your defences, your protective barriers and opens the door to all the shit that's been weighing on your shoulders lately? Well, it happened today. It was a good talk... The weather over on his end had been pretyt shitty lately, on the contrary to the weather over here. So I said I'd send some sunshine over his way. And he replied "you already do".
That was it... that was enough! It just made my heart swell and sink at the same time. It made me feel loved and lonely at the same time. C. is such a great friend to me. He's an ocean away, but has been there for me ever since I was still with my ex boyfriend. He's been my best friend know through the internet, ever since I started with Nekkid Radio. He knows me pretty well and I can always go to him for advice, without fear of being judged. For some reason, maybe the distance, I'm never afraid to open up to him.
He made me smile, wishing he was closer. I need a shoulder to lean on and this just made me realise how so true that is lately. See, thing is, i'm tired of waiting... waiting for everything i want to happen. A few days ago I found out Michael can't come for my birthday, the plane ticket costs too much. We were hoping for a friend to come through for us, but it didn't happen, not her fault though. I'm tired of not having things go how i'd hoped! It stinks, it really does! This meant a lot to me, to have him here for my birthday. I'm tired of doing everything "alone", you know?
I always feel half... i'm half of this, half of that... like I'm half complete. I know that "hopefully" (at this point i realise nothing is every certain, damn it) I'll be going in july but... still... it gets harder each day. I am starting to change... I used to be much more postive... now I feel like I am settling... even in work. I mean, I don't even try, anymore. Like it's not worth it, 'cause some things just aren't in store for me, u know? When is it going to be my turn? I dont know, at this point. I know things will be different when I'll be with Michael again... at least, if anything, I'll have him, and that's a lot, if not everything.
C. asked me if I believed in love. Of course I do! But lately I've been realising I feel worse than if I were single and not in love... 'cause i have someone, yet cant have him... (not yet anyways). He said that giving up on love is a sin. I'm not giving up on love, how could I? It's just all of it put together that is starting to get to me. Not having Michael, not having a job (that is up to my standards anyways), not having definate plans, not knowing what lies ahead. I can't give up on love.... I love Michael too much. I'd fight 'till the end of time just to have him, to finally be with him. I'm just tired of not being able to lean on someone. I'm tired of being strong. Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be a house, a wedding... sometimes you just need some certainties. I guess I have one certainty though, that Michael loves me. That I'm sure of... I know it's alot more than some people have, it's not like I'm taking it for granted. But sometimes just knowing it isn't enough... I want to feel it. I know we have love, but can't quite fully have it yet.
I don't have doubts on our future together, I'm not worried about us.... I am just tired of having but not having. Does that make any sense? It does to me anyways... I can't help but think that people who are single have it easier... I think it's easier to be alone than to have someone you love but not be able to be with them. It may sound wrong to the single people out there reading this, and if it does I'm sorry, but this is how I feel.
I know years from now I'll be unhappy for who knows what other silly reason and will have forgotten about now... i hope not though.... I don't want to ever take our relationship for granted... we've struggled so much and come so far to just let it loose its importance.
I'm not giving up easily that's for sure!
I just need to rant every now and then... feels good to whine! Getting angry actually makes me feel good ahhahahahah, I'll never survive the US manners! Wow, I'll be so unique, I might start a new fad or something! One of a kind, me.... who knows me swears by it! The good one of a kind, I'm assured though.... well, that's what C. said anyways!
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 4 comments
Tuesday, May 09, 2006,11:31 PM
A little discovery
Let's just say I have a lot of time on my hands at work... ok, let's just admit it, I do diddly sqaut, it's true. I can't deny it any further. I'm pretty much paid to sit, look pretty and answer the phone evey now and then. (I know it sound blissfull, but I actually loathe that kind of brainless job, I far more prefer soem action!). So with all this free time on my hands I've been able to do a lot of reading. I have never been an avid reader. Not because I don't like to read, cause when I find a book I like I'll devour it. It's just that I've always had so many interests I like to juggle lots of things, and usually reading for some odd reason comes last. As a kid I never read (because I thought books were boring, without actually ever reading one!) and when I was older I read so much for school, the idea of doing it in my spare time for personal pleasure just semed as a contradiction.
Then came university.... man I did so much reading it's not funny. See here in Italy most of our exams are oral exams. (No... get your mind out of the gutter, boys!) This meant having to take home 4-5 books each for each subject and literally learn them, inside out. Most books were thesis, theories by authors, writing very detailed, complete and articulated manuscripts on the most varied topics. See, try talking to your teacher, face to face, one on one, about the agenda setting theory or semiotic meaning of Bjork's Isobel video. I kid you not! Not to mention all teh authors... bla bla... so yeah, when you're done preparing for an exam, last thing on your mind is more reading, even though it's a fictional novel!

But... then came summer. Summer break, time off from studying, time to lay back, soak up the sun rayes and just wallow on the beach. The summer has always been a great way for me to discover reading for pleasure again. And so I read about 1 book a year! (I know, shameful...).
Last year I was randomly browsing Feltrinelli's shelves (our version of Borders, you could say) and stumbled on something I just knew as going to be great! Arthur Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha. (Boy was I so right!) .
That just opened up my love for reading again. I hadn't been so excited about books since my Stephen King phase when I was a teenager. He really knew how to write! Ok so it wasn't quality literature, but he sure had a great imagination!
But to get back to Memoirs of a Geisha, well... I've always been really intrigued by the Japanese culture, so distant, so timidly reserved, so diverse. There's something facinating about their contrasting reality. The futuristic lifesyle that makes us europeans pale in comparison, which so distinctively constrasta their history and their popular village charm. There's something magical, I think, in the pride they take regarding their traditions.
This is a grat novel and reveals so much about a reality unkown here in the west. A Geisha is so much more than I had ever imagined and though this is a fictional work, it's obviously based on true facts. I reccomend it.

Then... it happened! I caught the virus that was going round, yeah.... the Da Vinci Code virus. It couldn't be helped, there is no cure as of yet! But I was glad to be contaminated! It made for a great read (though the author really needs to learn how to end his novels!). I went on to read Angels and Demons, and now with all this free time at work, I managed to finish it in no time at all.
Then I moved on to discover a really amazing work of art, The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini. This novel is so touching, and though fictional, it describes true life historic events. I'm not sure how well known this novel is in the US, but I know that Stephen Spielberg bought the rights to it, in order to make a movie some time in the future. Anyways, another great read and I definately recommend this one too!

Last but not least, a funny provocative writer. She seems like a friend. I can related to her style of writing and she makes me lauhg yet gets you thinking about life. Her name is Jennifer Weiner. I only just discovered her, though apparently she's very popular in the US.
Anyways.... I found one of her books on sale and read the synopsis. (I will admit, the cover drew me to pick the book up). It seemed like a light-hearted novel, something to let me breathe, relax if you will, inbetween Angels and Demons and The KiteRunner. I was soooo surprisingly pleased with my casual find. Yes. I picked this book up by chance and discovered I am a new fan!
She is also the author of the novel which inspired the movie, In Her Shoes, starring Cameron Diaz. She writes about being a young woman in the 21st century, about being a 20something - going on 30, about work, relationships and family.

And so, thanks to my new job, I have been able to re-discover reading. Reading for pleasure, for me. Not just to get a grade, or pass an exam. I feel better, I honestly do. I know so many people who devourbooks, who just eat them up! I am now starting to enjoy this hobby and have found that there is some really great stuff out there!!!
I do secretly though take pride in having discovered certain books, before there became such a big fad, like Memoirs of a Geisha for example. This novel hit the movie theathres, and now everyone is reading it. Yet I read this novel, waaaay before anyone even heard of it!

Sometimes, I too, rock!
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 1 comments
Sunday, May 07, 2006,2:12 AM
In case you ever wondered....
You ask about Michael... Believe it or not... (now here come the hollywood script part) I met michael online! I know, it sounds crazy... and I think it actually is, but if you were here to witness it, you'd realise it makes so much sense! I am not sure how strong your relationship with the internet is, how much time you spend browsing etc... I assure you I am not one of those pc nerd/hermits who never leaves the house and only ever discovers the world or far away places by chatting with people who live on the other side of the planet!! But through the internet I discovered a lot. I learned many skills and met many people whom I have built a strong friendship with. Some (very few, unfortunately) I have met in person.

It all started when I came accross an internet radio station. It's a small comunity of people who have in common the love for music. One person decided to put together a hobbyist sation, so anyone who wants to can become part of the station and gets to broadcast live on air, to anyone who wants to tune in, worldwide.
Obviously us "DJs" in time get to know one another and grow close, and the station is actually organised just like any other station. We have managers, we have staff meetings, rules to follow, staff forums etc... of course, only slight difference, every communicating we do is online, through live chat (with or without webacams) but we speak in person, in voice with various chat programs. The great thing about our station is the interactivity we get with the listners. Our shows are live, 24/7, 365 a yr. We have an ICQ # that the on air DJ logs on to, so that the listners can chat with him/her, request songs, etc... it's pretty cool!! (in case you're wondering, www.nekkidradio.com).

So I met Michael through the radio. We were both DJs at the time... I had kept on seeing his name on the DJ schedule, but had never "met" him. So one evening I was hanging out in the radio station's webcam chat room and finally got to meet him. (this was in dec. of 2003). I was going out with someone else at the time, and had been with this guy for over 6 yrs! I didn't realise it yet, but my relationship with this guy was close to an end... we had just outgrown each other.
So anyways... we became friends. We'd hang out together and chat almsot every day. As soon as I'd get online, I'd look for him.. and soon we spoke so frequently - we started talking on the phone too. We became real close. I told him things about my boyfriend, he told me things about his girl... we were like confidents... In march 2004 I broke up with my boyfriend and this really made a difference. He had already made it clear that he really liked me. (He had broken up with his fling in january...) and I was slowly starting to realise how attatched I was growing. I didn't want to leave the house! I never wanted to go to bed and sign out of my instant messenger! The time difference was killing us. By end of may it was getting to the point where we were thinking of each other constantly. I had to know if what I was feeling was just a silly crush or if there was something more to it. So I got the balls and booked a flight! I was going out to see him. You're thinking I was crazy!! I know... it sounds crazy, but you have to understand that we literally spent every waking free moment together, online, on the phone... at work... we got really close, especially 'cause he had a few problems and confided in me, and vice versa... we were there for one another, as friends at first. Sex had nothing to do with it. We fell for one another as people. We grew to love each other's personality. I felt closer to him than to my ex boyfriend who had been by my side and spent 6 and a half yesrs of his life with me!

So on june 8th 2004 I flew to see him. I can't begin to tell you the excitement and fear I was feeling all at once... It was great! Cut a long story short... those were the best two weeks I had spent in a LONG time... we got on like a hosue on fire. I felt I was meeting up with an old friend! He was awsome, all what he had seemed and more. There were no surprises, no weird awkward moments, no times I was scared. He was sweet, honest, gentle, welcoming, a sweet heart. And to top it all off.... we were SOOOO compatible in bed too! It was unreal! All of it... we were in love!
So.... here we are two years later.
After that summer, he came to vist me in dec, and then I spent 3 months over there, during winter 2004-2005. Then summer of last year (aug. 2005) he came over again and proposed to me. It was the sweetest thing! His first night over, during dinner, he sent me to another room and spoke with my parents. (who by the way adore him, especially my mom!!) He asked my dad's permission to marry me and then the night after, the four of us went out to dinner to celebrate. Later that night we went to a party on the beach (calling it a rave would be more appropriate!) where he proposed to me, in the middle of a huge crowd of raving people... music blaring, people dancing! It was incredible.... and hilarious!!!!

Last time we saw each other was in nov. 2005, when I went out for his 30th birthday, and surprised him! It was great. He had no idea I was coming!! I organised everything with his best friend and with his mom, who took me to the restaurant where they were all dining and sprung this surprise on him! He was speachless!! Everyone thinks I'm so cool now!! hahaha

As for him... he's a great fanily man. He cherishes the family as a value, as an important part of a person's life and he's somewhat of the "traditional" man, wanting to provide for his wife and family, without being backward... It's so comforting to see.... so rare nowadays! Makes me fell loved and cared for!

Michael is trying hard to convince me we're getting a dog once we're married. I've never really been one for pets. It's the way I was used to as a kid really... having travelled so much, we never had any pets. Couldn't really put them in boxes once you were ready to move again, now could you?
We'll see about the dog. I'm selfish like that... I don't want to have to take care of anyone or anything until I'm ready for a "thing" of my own, being that my kid!!!




Sexy huh??! I know... real fast too!! Ohh..... you mean Michael? Hehehe... my sexy fiance and his new redhead! ; )

 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 4 comments