Monday, February 27, 2006,12:35 AM
Quickly... 'cause this hurts

Sometimes when I'm down and upset at things in my life, when I'm not happy about certain things in my life or certain things about me, I tend to hurt those close to me.
I guess you could say that I "let off steam" by being mean and say things I don't mean or by being a bit too harsh or critical towards others.
I know I don't mean it, even though others may not.

It's a defense mechanism if you will. Well.. if I ponder those words more carefully I have to admit, that isn't very accurate. More than a defense mechanism, it's a bad reaction. I guess I'm trying to find a sort of explanation, an excuse, as to why I can be the way I have been lately.

There's a lot of shit going on right now. Many things I'm not happy with. In all honesty... let's say there isn't much I'm really happy about lately. Which is odd considering I'm planning my wedding, I've recently started going out and trying on bridal dresses and am excited about moving to the US.

The truth is... it all seems on hold. Even though I know for sure I'm getting married, we haven't set a date yet and aren't able to until we get my VISA, which will take a while yet.
I am really unhappy about my work status, I really miss my fiance. I've been feeling very lonely lately, and I no longer see my friends as much, who are all now so busy with moving in with their significant other, busy with work or dealing with everyday life.

I know I have so much to look forward to... so many things ready and waiting to happen, but that's just it: all these things are on hold... a wedding, on hold. A new job, on hold. The rest of my life.... on hold!

I'm the kind of person who wants things now. When there's a job to do, I get straight to it. When something needs to be done, I get cracking on it right away. I'm a planner, a thinker. I ponder every side and aspect of a situation, imagine all possible outcomes, turn things inside out in my head until I've come up with a solution. It's not good or bad... it's just the way I am. I'm so different to my fiance in regards to this. We have very different ways of thinking and approaching things. We tackle situationns in very different ways. I can't say who's wrong or right, though I believe the truth, as always, lies in the middle.

So recently, I've been taking out my pain and unhappinessss on him, on the people who surround me. I know I'm wrong, but I know that the things I get "anal" about are right too... I just have a wrong way of dealing with them.

So today we talked. I listened long and hard to all the things he had to say to me. And through his words, I felt my pain. I was guilty. I have wronged. I know I owe him an apology, (and I did apologise). I just wanted to reiterate my thoughts on here, more for me really. I wanted to put down in writing and admit my guilt. Only this way will his words not be for nothing. I want to acknowledge his actions and acknowledge the fact that I was wrong.

It's not the first time I've done this. Unfortunately it's easy, somehow, to be mean and hurt the people we love the most. He knows how much I love him and he knows how unhappy I've been lately. We both know that things will pass as soon as we're together again, but for now I just have to clench my teeth and bare the pain.

It's not easy for me to admit my wrong doings... but nevertheless I have.
I just hope I have the strength to change and face life with a smile. Patience is a virtue... I seek to find it!

Meantime, I'm so lucky to have beside me a man who is so mature and never afraid to share his thoughts with me. He quietly holds his thoughts until it's the right time to speak. We've had a bad week or two... we managed to argue over the stupidest things. We were both unhappy inside and it would show when we spoke to one another.
Yet he found the words to talk to me and lay it out. He knows I hate it when people "sugar coat stuff", as I always say to him. I want it straight. And so he dealt me the blow... he layed the cards on the table. It hurt. No one wants to hear how they have wronged, yet he did it because he loves me, as I have done many times in the past when there were things he needed to change about himself, to improve his life and to better himself.

We look out for one another. He loves me enough to know that though he hurt me a bit, it's the bigger picture that clounts.
Together we're going to make it!
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 5 comments
Saturday, February 25, 2006,1:25 AM
Too good not too share!!

You know when you get those silly emails, that no matter how dumb they are, they really hit home??
Well... today I got one of those!
This was too good to leave unnoticed... too funny to pass up!!


You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's:

1. If you've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE"
2. If you watched the Pound Puppies.
3. If you can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair" and can do The "Carlton".
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. If you yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. If you owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. If you know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock".
10. If you had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.
11. If you can sing the entire theme song to "DuckTales".
12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. If you wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. If you saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen...and still know the Turtles names.
15. If you got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail and Odel Lake day in computer class at school.
16. If you made your mom buy one of those clip s that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. If you played the game "MASH " (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter,House).
18. If you wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear and British Knights....need I say more??
21. If you remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing " and all the Ramona books.
22. If you know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF".
23. If you wanted to be a Goonie.
24. If you ever wore fluorescent clothing.
25. If you can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. If you have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. If you took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.
28. If you remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. If you still get the urge to say "NOT " after every sentence.
30. If you remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. If Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. If you thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. If you thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. If you ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?".
36. If you remember "I've fallen and I can't get up".
37. If you remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. If You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. If you have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. If you had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. If you've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. If you remember "Popples".
43. "Don't worry, be happy".
44. If you wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. If you wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do...getting yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family).
46. If you remember boom boxes.. and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. If you remember watching both "Gremlins " movies.
48. If you know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!".
49. If you remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales".
50. If you thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. If you remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. If you remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".
53. If you knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell".
54. If you know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. If you just sang those words to yourself.
56. If you remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better).
58. If you remember when mullets were cool!
59. If you had a mullet!
60. If you still sing "We are the World".
61. If you tight rolled your jeans.
62. If you owned a bannana clip.
63. If you remember "Where's the Beef?".
64. If you used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin'about Willis?".
65. If you had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!!!?

PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS WHO GREW UP IN THE 80s or early 90s!!!
ROCK ON!!!

Haahha.... that's so spot on! Took me back some!
I have lived to tell the tale of what the '80s were like!

btw... I'm working on my photoblog.... it's coming along so well! I can't wait 'till it's done and I can publish it!
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 2 comments
Wednesday, February 22, 2006,11:32 PM
Makes a nice change!

I'm excited!!!!!
I haven't felt this way in a while. Well... it's nothing majorly exciting but I am excited about something, which is nice seeing as I got home really pissed off (yep another one of those exciting days.... have I said lately how much I am hating my job? No?? Ok, that's for another post!)

Anyways, getting back to today... let's say that it really all sparks off from yesterday. I was browsing the net as ya do on occasion (I forgot what excatly I was looking for... I probably came across an interesting link somewhere somehow).*
I came across a really cool website which offered free web templates, except they wern't basic HTML, which is what have learned to code in, seeing as I know tha basics of web design. But as I have said many times before, I all 100% self-taught. All I know and have learned is all from reading on the net, asking tips from friends etc. IUt all started when I had to do design a website for a school project. I found I was pretty good at it, it came easy to me. I guess the legoci behind understanding how the coding works, goes well with my way of thinking, seeing as I am pretty methodic, and once I understand the concept behind it, it's mine.
So... from then on, I went further and further, playing around for my own fun.

Well, today I do pretty well. I am not tecnically perfect, I still make messy coding here and there. My graphics and layouts are still fairly basic, as far as experts are concerned, but ler's say I have come a long way! I've also worked on my graphical skills...

So yesterday, I saaw these templates, whci are just gorgeous!! I want to code like that toooooo! That's exactly what I said to myself. I often take, use and play aroudn with templates, as this helps me improve my skills, and learn new "tricks" of the trade. Often I figure out how to do something by simply playing around with someone else's work.
Well, these templates were in XHTML and use .CSS files. I know that sounds like japanese to anyone who isn't familiar with web design. They kind of did to me too, until tonight!!
See... I wanted to figure out exactly what a CSS is.... so, off to Google I went and read up on it.

So now.... I made my very own basic HTML page using a .css file!!! WHoopeee doooo!! Heheh, it's dumb, and hard for you guys to understand I guess, but let's just say I just climbed another tiny step in the huge ladder of webdesign!!

I think that I will play some more with some of the templates I have and then when I'm ready I will use this new technique to create a photoblog!

So there... THAT'S why I'm excited!
Doesn't take much to make me happy!




*Isn't it interesting how you can wander through that humungous virtual spiral vortex that is the Internet, and end up really far from where you started off? I mena, have you ever played that game where you walk your way backwards through your train of thought, untill you reach the very first thought which then led on to teh next, so on and so forth?? It's sort of like a word association game, except you track your thoughts... well I notice the same happens when you browse the web. One place just miraculously leads to another (if you follow random links, that is)
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 0 comments
Monday, February 20, 2006,7:36 PM
No wish to work

Ok, so I'm stuck at work.... well, ok maybe stuck is the wrong word. Ok, so I'm here at work, with no wish to do anything. I guess you copuld call this a lazy monday. I think it's fair to have a lazy monday every now and then, right?

Anyways.... saturday I went with my mom to some bridal stores, to browse for my wedding dress. We stopped in three places, but I didn't see anything I liked. Now, that makes me sound picky.... but let's be honest here. I didn't try anything on, as over here they are "ateliers", boutiques, basically. So you have to book an appointment. So all we did was browse a few dresses they had hanging on the racks. So I'm hoping that the nicer dresses I have yet to see.

At first we were going to get my dress in the US as this was going to save us money, but from what I was able to see when I was in the Us in november, the dresses they have over there may be cheaper, but aren't as detailed or use fabric that isn't as precious. I know that sounds pretentious.... but hey, you only marry once right?
The otehr reason is that my mom wouldn't be able to follow me through the whole alterations and stuff, as she won't be in teh Us with me, once I move there, before the wedding. So we just figured it would be simpler to buy it here.

So this week we have two appointments booked, and another for next week. I'm kind of excited! I can't wait to see the look no my mom's face when I try one on!
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 1 comments
Tuesday, February 14, 2006,12:31 AM
Afterall, tomorrow is Valentine's Day!

I had to post this... after browsing my usual source of Meme fun.

If your Valentine would give you any kind of candy you specified, list up to seven kinds that you'd enjoy for the big day, diets notwithstanding.

1. Reese's Pieces
2. Cadbury's Cream Egg
3. Twizzlers
4. After Eights
5. Twix
6. Cadbury's Caramel
7. Kinder Cereali (Italian chocolate bar)
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 3 comments
Friday, February 10, 2006,8:27 PM
Miss 600

Apparently we're in ressesion. Call it that, or else I'm starting to believe in a cospiracy theory!

To explain... today I had another job interview. (Notice how the job descriptions keep getting better and better... and my standards lower and lower!).
I was kind of actually looking forward to this on. It's the usual secreterial/assitant to PR position, for a modelling/casting agency. Though I am way over qualified, these day's I'm just after long hrs and more €s.
So I get there, all dressed up... (I mean, would it not be for the lack of inches and the excess of lbs, I'd be modelling myself, ya know!), talk with the guy who runs the place. He asks me what experience I've had, what I like to do blah blah... then goes on to say what kind of retribution the job offers. Right... I said retribution.... but somehow I guess that's a word employers aren't familiar with these days!

Ok.... step back... I have to set the scene. I am not sure how many of you know, but for the past 5 years, Europe has created a unified currency, called the Euro (). As many countried signed up and joined in to be part of the unified currency plan, most of us lost our purchasing power. In Italy, for example, our previous currency was the Lira (£). £2.000 was roughly the equivalent of $1 , give or take a few cents.
When we passed from the Lira to the Euro, the exchange rate was set to:
€1 = £1.936,27. That meant that if something cost you £5000, once the Euro settled in, it would then cost you €2,50 (runding it off, obviously).
In reality though, this caused a lot of confusion on the market and seeing as we lost all those zeros and prices seemed lower to us (as they were virtually halfed), many started to speculate and use this to their advantage. If for example before you could buy a pair of shoes for £30.000 (roughly $15), supposedly in Euros that was supposed to have been converted to €15... buy seeing as people are real smart here and love taking advantage of the average Joe, the price stooped up to €30!! (I'm not sure if I am making sense, but basically everything started to double in price...). There has been a constant price increase throughout the market. Groceries, clothes, gas bills, electricity, costs of various services... you name it!
One thign they somehow forgot to increase was of course salaries. So over the past 5 years the average Italian Giovanni has had to pay twice as much to buy the same things, yet has seen his monthly income literally be cut in half.

Having taken all this in account, when I tell you that for a full time secreterial job I was offered €600, please realise that had prices stayed the same I would have been totally comfortable with that. So basically now, a monthly pay check only gets you through the first 2 weeks of your month. And what's more... if you work part time, you are most likely to get €500 a month. Does someone smell the bullshit here? I do!

Now, why ths people haven't revolted yet is beyond me!
I think back to the time of the French Revolution when the peple faught for their rights and got what they hard so hard worked and died for, democracy and freedom.
I say it's high time he Italians stuck it to "The Man" and go down in the Piazzas and revolt. You can be sure as hell that I won't be voting in the April elections. I think I'll draw a big "FU €600" on the voting card!
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 2 comments
Wednesday, February 08, 2006,1:23 AM
Funny like that at times...
Weird how your mood can be up, down, then up again in the same day...
Elaborate for you I must (as Yoda would say).

Ok... I am trying to find a new job, for several reasons. Mainly, I am working part time now and somehow that just isn't keeping my bank account stable.. go figure!
Second... the newbies of the lot at my current work (one of them being me) might soon be jobless, as our tiny tiny firm has lost a major partner and that means lots of €€€s less!! Ahi ahi ahi... (read that mexican mariachi style)...

Anyways... so I had this interview lined up... for some dumb ass sorry excuse of a job (it's so crap, not going to go in detail or I'll slap myself for even ever concidering it....). It was a sorry ass excuse of a job, but it was full time, so more €€€s for me, which is really what I'm after right now, seeing as I'm soon to fly out and marry my yankee doodle fiancè. So I need the Euros for my wedding... yeppers.

Ok. I had my 1st introductory interview last week. Blah blah ... "this is what we do, this is who we are.. tell us about yourself" kind of bullshit. "fill in this form, so we can tell if we like you or not based on your answers" type deal.
Great... (this is the first "up" part of my day... an interview and possible new job to look forward to) they call me back, they love me. Of course, no doubt there right? For some reason they always dig me for these shitty sales jobs. Frikkin' story of my life. People always see me fit to do stuff I hate. Irony... lovin' the bitch.

So moving on to today's episode... I am called in for a 2nd interview, to get down and talk dirty... about the nitty gritty details of the job, like "how much you gonna pay and what do i have to do to earn it"?
I drive half an hour to get there, I'm in there for about 3 minutes and 25 seconds tops... only to hear me be insulted by some shitty excuse of a salary...
Say what??? €500 for a full time, 8 hr a day, 5 day a week job??? Come again??? "oh but wait, you get extra bonuses after you reach so and so target, and so and so goal" Heck, God forbid I let this go!! I could risk making €700 a month!!! Shit! How lucky of me!! Hey wait... what's that you say? Gas costs how much there? Say what?
Yeah you heard me corndogs! Gas, petrol, gasoline, benzina, how ever you want it... it costs us about, on average, €1,25 a litre! (that's roughly about $1.49 for 0.26 of a gallon ... yup that's right a quater of a gallon, for all you americans out there!!) Right... so I'd roughly be makin a shitty $840 a month, only to spend about $100 of it on gas! Like hell I'm takin that job!
Wow call me picky, but I waaaay too qualified for it anyways, not to mention the fact that I'd have to travel 30 mins each way, every day when right now I earn €500 (about $600) a month, for a part time job which is a 15 min walk from home!!!!.... doesn't seem worth the trade does it?
Ok... so that was the "down" part.

As for the second "up" part... well... I get home, call up Michael and tell him all about it, tell him how "there's no frikkin' way I'm taking that skunk-ass job anyways". I resign to my fate of workin shitty part time jobs for the rest of my roman-living days.
Time to move on. We spend the day together, as best a couple who are separated by an ocean, yet have broadband internet, can do... I have my radio show to do. We hang out in CamFrog for the duration. He really cheered me up! He didn't even try. I think it's just having him "near" me. I won't get into the mush of how wonderful our relationship is. It seems a bit of a boast and a slap in the face of others who are less fortunate right now. I'll save that to a time when he'll have a whole past dedicated to him.

He left for work. After dinner I got back online, checked my usual internet hang outs... read my usual blogs. Then T dropped in and messaged me on MSN. Hehehe... I give her such a hard time sometimes, but it's only 'cause I love her so.
That ever happen to you, to be kind of mean to people who you care so much about? Ok, well I wasn't realy mean. I always speak my mind, I'm told it's my best and worst trait about my personality. I can be brutally honest, but again, it's only in your best interest. If I really care about you, you'll know 'cause I won't sugar coat things... that's for people who want to be nice. I don't need to be nice. If you're my friend and you ask my opinion, I'll give it, how I see it. I'll tell it straight. It's a matter of respect to me. I respect you too much to be otherwise. I think my true friends appreciate it, even though at times I lack tact. I'm working on it... I'm far from perfect. If ya tell me, I take note.

Anyways, we chatted serious stuff, we chatted bullshit! She's corrupted me in a way only she knows. It's all good though! She's one of those awsome people whom I've never had the fortune of meeting in person yet! I can't wait though. She's one of my guests at my wedding. I'm gonna make her dance. Even though she has no clue! She says she has two left feet. I told her that after all the wine she won't even notice... nor will the other guests...

So yeah, she contributed to cheering me up... her, the radio and my Michael.
I whine and complain, but today I know I'm blessed.
I still bitch about my sorry ass excuse of a job today, or this or that tomorrow but hey.. it can't all be roses can it, that's boring.


Popcorn anyone?
 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 6 comments
Wednesday, February 01, 2006,11:06 AM
1st of february





So I figured I'd do something different today, if only to celebrate the start of a new month. Hopefully this means we're one month closer to getting my VISA. Sure would be great. I'm starting to get impatient... that's me all over....
IMPATIENT!!!


 
posted by sunshinecity ¤ Permalink ¤ 2 comments